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W-O-R-K Virus & Its Eliminators (W-I-N-E & B-E-E-R)

I received the following via email from my mother, rather funny given my horrible workload recently as well as the upcoming long, holiday weekend.

Health Alert!

There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand.

The virus is called Weary-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

Enjoy the Labor Day Weekend… cheers!

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Mindless Timehole

You heard me right, “mindless timehole”. That’s about all I can say for the Blue Ball Machine. Its seemingly endless mousetrap-like shoots & ladders passageways for the blue balls is quite complex, but somewhat enjoyable.

Go ahead, follow a blue ball and see where it goes. And when you’re done, realize that you just wasted 12 minutes of your life following a blue ball around a webpage. You got it, “mindless timehole”.

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High Levels of Prolactin is Good!

Worried about dementia? Do you have a family history of degenerative conditions? If you don’t like crosswords or running, then you’ve only got one option left…

according to a professor in Australia, certain “physical activities” help create and nurture new nerve cells in the brain. This is a good thing. “One could think of a number of more entertaining activities than running in order to regulate the production of nerve cells” says the Aussie.

So, to recap, Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s bad, sex good. Class dismissed.

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Two Ener-beers Please!

You know how every-so-often you’ll be at a bar and there will be waitresses waltzing around with samples of some new-age drink? Well, last night I was out with a few friends at the Thirsty Turtle in Stamford and we were approached by your atypical aforementioned waitresses. They were handing out free samples of Anheuser-Buschs’ new drink; we felt bad for the waitresses and decided to help them deplete their stock.

Now, if you can imagine what a Budweiser mixed with a Red Bull would taste like, then you’ve got their new drink called B-to-the-E (the “B” standing for beer, the “E” for something “extra” and shown as an exponent of B). The 10 oz. can of 4.5% alcohol by volume infuses beer with caffeine, ginseng and guarana. I must admit that I’m surprised it took so long for a beer-energy drink to hit the “malternatives” drink section and I definitely expect a Super Bowl commercial for this bad-boy. So a congrats to Bud for making the first entry, but whichever Marketing person coined the name needs to be fired immediately. Immediately.